No Life Waltz
by AmoebaFive
Summary: After 53 years alone, Seras has become a true nosferatu. With the return of Alucard, however, she must deal with her bitter feelings towards him and a past that can not be escaped. AS
1. Bittersweet

A/N: Okay, so I know better than to start yet another fanfiction, but I really can't help it. ^_^;; At any rate, this is yet another endeavor of an insane authoress so I hope you all enjoy. This is strictly an A/S fic, in fact, Integral is dead. Boo fricken hoo. 

Melpomene(my muse): -_-;; you would do well to not insult main characters of the anime. 

Ashley(me): you would do well to inspire me to write my other fanfictions.

At any rate, hope you enjoy the fic. ^_^ Please review! I'll give you cookies. . .

***

No Life Waltz: Session 1_Bittersweet

  


John Joseph Manning sifted the weight of his briefcase under his right arm as he reached up to turn on the alarm system for the night. Punching in the code with practiced ease, he quickly pulled the office door shut behind him and checked to make sure it was locked. 

His cold blue eyes quickly adjusted to the dark shadows of the building. Dim light filtered in from the evenly spaced windows of the otherwise barren walls. The pale moonbeams that streaked across the highly polished floor left a sense of melancholy in their wake, giving the building an eerie touch.

John smiled without humor as he began to head towards the floor's elevator, a rickety contraption the end of the hall. The only sound was the tap of his over-priced Italian shoes with every step he took. The sound echoed off the white-washed walls, dissipating into the unseen corners and shadows that darkened his path.

A lawyer for over fifteen years, his steps were pronounced and his demeanor haughty. Ever as he left work for the day, he looked forward to the case he had the next afternoon against the new defense attorney of a rival firm. He found no greater joy then crushing the dreams of lawyers fresh from college that still retained a sense of innocence and moral. 

He had finally reached the elevator and pushed the button, waiting for the familiar 'ding' of the car as it reached the floor. As the doors slid open, though, he nearly stumbled back in fear and shock. Had he been any other man, he probably would have called out in surprise, but such things were bellow jaded men such as himself. The doors had opened to reveal a person already waiting inside, stock still like a statue set there to scare him.

It was a woman, not far out of adolescence and still her prime of life. A short black skirt revealed long shapely legs and knee-high black leather boots. A black high-necked shirt hugged every curve of her blessed torso. All was jokingly hidden beneath a long black coat that proved stark contrast to her pale skin and strawberry-blonde hair. In retrospect to the entire ensemble, a plain silver cross hung from her neck. Her eyes were hidden beneath dark purple lenses, but he could somehow tell that she was glaring by both her expression and demeanor. 

"How did you get up here? The building is closed," he asked as he took a step towards her. She tilted her head to one side, as if noticing him for the first time. 

"Building are never closed if I so choose," she muttered as if stating it as much to herself as to him.

"Well, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he stated reached forward to grasp her forearm. 

"Are you John Manning?" she asked as she stepped gracefully out of his clumsy grasp. 

"Yes," he stopped trying to catch her as it was proving useless and settled on glaring at her, "and you are?" There was faint click and he found himself staring down the barrel of a long silver gun. Had he been any other man, at this point he probably would have wet himself to be faced with this grim woman holding him at gunpoint, but he was not any other man. He smirked. "Let me guess," he started, "you're the pregnant girlfriend of some poor innocent young man I sent to prison so unjustly and you're here for revenge?"

She grinned manically. "If my kind could conceive, then perhaps you would be correct. As things are, however, you'll have to guess again." She cocked the gun and stared down at him cruelly over the edge of her glasses, still grinning like a madwoman. 

His eyes widened in fear, knowing now that he was dealing with a crazy woman bent set on killing him . He tried to keep calm and swallowed his fear, acting as he did in court with a cool reserve and dictated voice. "Do you really plan on shooting me?" he asked, his voice curt and calm. 

Her grin seemed to widen, revealing long canines that glinted in the dim light admitted from the elevator that still stood open behind her. "No I don't really plan on shooting you. I plan on judging you."

"Judging me?"

She stood up straight, her smile disappearing as a stoic mask slid over her features. "John Joseph Manning, you stand accused of crimes beyond the jurisdiction of human law. Unnecessary cruelty towards your fellow man, greed, corruption, fraudulence, adultery, lying, cheating, perversion, and moral corruption. How do you plead?"

"Who are you?!" he screamed, his fear and survival instincts taking over his body as he shook. He blinked and she seemingly disappeared, leaving him staring at an empty elevator. He squinted into the sudden light from the open doors.

Then, her voice was at his ear, her breath caressing his cheek. "I am Loneliness and Despair personified. Raised by the Angel of Death and of the bloodline of Dracula himself. I am my namesake, the vampire Ceras. Know my name before I kill you, human. I am Seras Victoria."

"Seras-" he whispered in fear before his windpipe was crushed by her strong fangs. At first, all he could feel was immense pain worse than anything he had felt in his entire life as blood began to flow from his torn flesh and into her waiting mouth. Suddenly, however, a sense of euphoria washed over him, overriding all other senses, causing him to moan in pleasure as he willingly allowed his life-force to be drained from him. Still she held him as she fed from his essence, not even halting even after she passed the point in which the loss of blood was too much for him to live through.

Then, all was black as his heart gave out and he slipped into death. 

***

Seras stepped over the dead body of the lawyer, her eyes slitted in disgust. He had been a corrupt soul, one she had picked out carefully for feeding. When she had to take a human life in order to fight off her vampiric Madness, she picked victims meticulously, finding the humans whose souls were the darkest and who gave no value to those around them. She had taken particular joy in this kill because in a sea in which corrupted souls were like lights, his had shown like a beacon. 

She surveyed the mess she had made during her feeding. Not too bad considering that she had completely drained him of blood. All that remained of the man John was an empty corpse with a bit of blood about his torn neck and torso. He stared up at her lifelessly, icy blue eyes accusing her of her crimes. 

"You're dead," she told his corpse, as if reassuring herself, "whereas I will live forever, aided by your blood. You would have died sooner or later, but I would still have lived on." She sighed, knowing that her empty words served as a consolation to neither herself nor the dead lawyer at her feet.

The body twisted once, the effects of the blood drain beginning to take effect of the corpse. Seras pulled her gun out again to use it for the actual purpose she had brought it for rather than scaring the lawyer. There was a harsh cracking blast as she shot the ghoul on the floor once in the head as it tried to raise itself from the ground. The sound resound down the empty hallway as the creature crumbled into nothing.

Seras slid the gun back into its holster and ran her fingers through her short blonde hair. The lawyer's last question floated through her mind as she began to dissipate. "Who are you?" she whispered as she disappeared into shadow. 

***

The club was dark except for the bright flashing neon and strobe lights cutting through the heavy smoke filled air. Pulsating music poured out from speakers at the front of the room and onto a crowded dance-floor full of young adults swaying and rocking their bodies. It was like watching a mass of animals all trying to crawl on top of one another, trying to escape from the sweat streaked floor and get across the angry throngs of humans bodies. The music filled Seras's body, pulsing inside of her and calling her to join the collective below in their primal dance of lust and ecstacy. 

Instead of listening to the call of the music, however, she found herself sitting alone and staring into a quickly disappearing glass of vodka. She forced it down her throat in an attempt to wash the irony, foul tang of blood from her mouth. Though she had been forced to succumb to her vampiric nature long ago, she still fought it bitterly. It was times like these, after the thrill of a kill and the bloodlust dies down, that she most regretted her immortal body and heart. So, she tried to drown herself in the bitter relief of alcohol, only to be rudely reminded that its effects were less than short-lived upon her senses. 

Her mind began to pick up the familiar prickle of recognition as another vampire approached her from somewhere near the dance-floor. When she was younger, her instincts would had never had been good enough to be able to distinguish the subtle hints of a vampire's aura from those of the humans' around her, but the lonely years had changed her in more than one way.

"Hello," said a rather melodic male voice to her right. 

Years alone had taught her to distrust male vampires, especially young FREAKS, that picked her out as their next fuck. Without looking up to acknowledge the man next to her, she took a sip of her vodka. "Yes?"

She could almost feel him shrug in an attempt to look as if he didn't care about her disinterest. "I figured another creature of the night might appreciate a companion, especially one as beautiful as yourself."

She nearly scoffed at him. Instead, Seras turned to face him, red eyes blazing. "'Creature of the night', how cliche." Her voice changed to one of barely contained anger as she glared at him through the lenses of her glasses, "And do not dare to presume that you can even come close to the same category of vampire as I am. You are nothing but a FREAK, created by human technology whereas I am a true nosferatu of vampiric lineage."

The other vampire seemed rather perturbed by her outburst as his red eyes slitted dangerously. "Do not think that you are better than me simply because you got yourself bitten by another vampire. We both chose eternal life, what do the means matter when the end is the same?" He sat back and smiled rakishly, "Besides, I do not fall to the beck and call of some worthless 'Master' unlike those sired by another."

Sadness boiled beneath her barely controlled anger as she fought back the emotions his words had kindled inside of her as well as the instinct to wipe him from the face of the earth for daring to say such things. "Do not speak of things that you have never known. I bow to no master, you foolish human creation." Seras slammed her money for her drink down on the bar-top and stormed away, her heart a hundred times heavier than when she had sat down. 

***

"Why did you leave me, Master?" Seras mused as she kicked a soda can down the dark sidewalk. It clattered off into some unseen corner and rolled away, leaving the street eerily silent. 

She had left the club minutes before, angry that the FREAK vampire's words had held so much effect on her heavy heart. What hurt the most, though, was knowing that she still cared about what had happened and harbored feelings for the No Life King that betrayed her. 

After being attacked by Incognito, she had awoken to find her master's head and body gone. A heavy burden was lifted from her, knowing he still lived somehow. "He's not human," she had whispered and smiled at the truth in her words. As long as her master still lived, then she had hope that things would turn out right. The beast Incognito would by destroyed.

Further more, before he had 'died', so to speak, he had called her by her true name. She wasn't sure exactly why that was so important to her, but it brought it some sense of joy to know that he saw her as more than some annoying fledgling. "Alucard," she breathed and let her mind drift back into the waiting darkness.

Seras's initial joy was short-lived, however, as weeks passed and her master failed to contact her in any way. Even as she screamed his name into the dark halls of the Hellsing manor, preying for any sign that he still existed, he didn't anser. She would cry herself to sleep at night in her lonely coffin in the cold dungeon, hoping that he would appear any moment and wake her to tell her how un-vampire like all of her crying and worrying was. 

Sir Integral remained locked in her cell at the Bloody Tower for longer than Seras cared to remember and was released long after Seras had left the Hellsing compound. Walter was in the hospital and the organization in disarray. That's when the hunger struck.

Since Walter was not around and the Hellsing soldiers were considered dangerous militant terrorists for long after the Bloody Tower incident, her supply of medical blood was soon depleted. She had to ration each and every pack until even those were empty, trying to starve off the hunger every day she could. She tried to revert back to the way she was in her first weeks as a vampire, refusing to feed at all, but her senses were too familiar to the sweet tang of blood and her body too weak. She began to become weaker every day almost to the point that she was infirm from lack of blood. 

Part of her feared to waste away into nothing, but a secret part of her wanted to embrace the dark promise of death that she had been denied and put an end to her lonely unlife. She continued the struggle to hold onto her humanity with fervor, but in the end, even that proved too weak to keep her from becoming what she truly was.

"I had no other choice!" she barked harshly at the memories, trying to press them back down into the darkness of her mind. The priest, the church, blood everywhere. . .

"Stop!" she growled, grasping her head between her hands, forcing the images away.

Seras stopped dead in her tracks, still clutching her head in a futile effort to drive her past back to its place in the far reaches of her mind. She had felt some familiar tug at her mind, some irrational feeling that sang to her blood, calling her forth like some unseen Pied Piper. Her pupils dilated beneath the glass lenses, her eyes seemingly bleeding red. She shook with unbound power coursing through her, running through her veins. "Wha-what is it?" she whispered, trying to appease whatever the unseen force was screaming at her for.

Seras's head jerked up almost involuntarily, staring down a path she had taken nearly every day so many years before. She knew what was being asked of her, the place she was to go to. It was a place that she had avoided for over 50 years. . .

"Hellsing."

***

Seras stared up at the rusted gate, surrounded by dark overgrown trees and bushes, creating a sense of foreboding that almost dared her to break its melancholy hibernation. As she glanced down the long driveway, she felt as if she was once again in her first years of unlife, living in the tall abandoned building before her.

The windows were dark and the walls overgrown with crawling vines and unfinished construction after the Valentine Brothers' attack. She could feel that familiar call of the house, however, as a much darker power pulled her towards it. Her feet fell into the same pattern as when she stayed at the manor, crunching down the worn path. Trees loomed over her on either side, their shadows creating dappled patterns on the broken pavement. Even their daunting presence could not sway her from her path. 

The front door creaked under her finger from years of disuse as she pushed it open. A damp, musky odor assaulted her sensitive nose as she stepped into her former home. It was evident the building had gone untouched since the death of its former master. Dust and decay wrapped themselves like a blanket around the mansion that was held so sacred, none dared to disturb its slumber over all these years. 

Sera took one cautious step after another into the house, her eyes wide in anticipation. Whatever was happening, it had brought her back here, to this place that she had tried so desperately to leave in her past. The familiar stairs leading to the upper levels called to her to run them to Sir Integral's office like she had nearly every day so many years before. Old paintings that she once recognized stared down at her through dappled moonlight.

Her almost unwilling journey did not lead her upstairs to the offices and intelligence rooms, however, it brought her to a much more personal place in the manor. She stared down the dark, empty stairs that lead to the sub-levels that she once occupied. 

With one step after another echoing off the cold stone walls, she descended into the lower floors, following whatever power had lead her thus far. The air grew considerably colder as she continued down to the bottom of the seemingly endless flight of stairs leading to the maze of rooms that was the underground caverns of the Hellsing institute. Seras quickly thanked her vampiric senses for allowing her to see through the dark, dank conditions. 

Even when compared to the upper floors she had just left, the basement had always had a certain bittersweet feeling to it. An old must clung to the air like a spur, holding fast and stifling her. Even with her acute sight, it was almost impossible for her to see any farther than five feet in front of her face. It not for the unseen force that had led her down into the dank corridors, she probably would have been lost in a matter of minutes.

While upstairs, her footsteps had seemed muffled, but in the eerie stone passages of the catacombs, they went on forever, echoing off into shadows and unseen reaches. She breathed heavily in excitement, eager to find out what she had been following for so long.

Her breath hitched as a single door came into view at the end of the corridor. Arcane symbols painted in what appeared to be blood, hummed with an ancient power, calling to her blood and subduing her mind before she looked away to break its hold over her senses.

The pentagram was all too familiar to her. "It's Master's binding spell," she whispered. Part of her longed to reach out and touch the symbols, if only to have one last connection with him, but she restrained herself, reminding herself of the pain that he had inflicted upon her unwilling heart. Whatever had called her to this place was behind the door and she would not allow herself to be distracted by girlish whims.

Steeling herself, she pushed the door open. It creaked slowly on its old, unused hinges, a single sliver of light worming into the room to illuminate to source of her problems. 

For a moment, her whole world stopped as she set eyes upon the same manic grin, same handsome features and dark hair that had haunted her for over 50 lonely years. He stood proudly before just as she remembered him, grinning up at her over the top of his yellow tinged glasses. As her mind begin to focus again, to try and take in what she was seeing, all she could do was whisper unbelieving, "Hello, my Master."

***

A/N: Wow, that took me forever to finish. Over two weeks into one chapter, since I write a rough-draft first then type it up. Chapter two is actually already written, but not typed yet. Reviewing might entice me to post it sooner than I planned. You should try it! ^_^;; I'll try any shameless ploy to get a review. 


	2. Acrimonious

A/N: O_O I don't even know what to say. One day after I posted the first chapter, I was bragging to all of my friends that I had six reviews. Three days after I posted, I almost fell out of my chair at 15 reviews. Now that I've reached 34 (aff . net included) I have nothing to say except thank you so much. 

Okay, some basic questions that a couple of reviewers have had:

Where was Alucard?: ^_^ I'd love to tell you, but you guys know I'll be answering that later!

How/ Why has Seras (that's the spelling I'm going with, folks!) changed so much?: Okay, let's think about this for a moment. Anyone who has seen the anime should see her steady progression towards accepting her fate by the end of the series. Duh. Also, I think that fifty years alone and abandoned by someone that you had feelings for, left to defend for yourself, might leave a girl a bit bitter. ^_^;;

Also, I am both terrible at spelling and with basic grammar. I know this. If you want to point out the things I mess up spelling/grammar wise, that's fine, but I probably won't get any better at it any time soon. ^_^

Anyway, I'll do the happy reviewer responses at the end but onto the real reason you're all here: the fanfiction!

  


1337 ch4p7312 2

*****

No Life Waltz: Session 2_Acrimonious

  


Seras' whole body shook with some emotion akin to both anger and joy as she stared at Alucard in disbelief. She wanted to reach out, to feel him, to have some sort of tangible proof that he was really there, grinning up at her from the bottom of the stairs like he was greeting her after a particularly fun mission. "Hello, Seras," he said, his deep voice cutting through the blanket of silence that had covered them.

She took a wary step down towards where he was standing, her footstep resounding off the empty room. "What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, her voice like ice. His grin only widened as she continued to walk down the stairs to him.

"I thought you might be glad to see me," he said as she stepped off the last of the stairs and stood stock still before him.

There was a resounding crack as she brought her hand across his handsome features with 53 years of pent-up rage behind the blow. "How dare," she stared at the floor, her voice low and dripping with a poisonous rage. Her whole body shook with the effort it took to not slap him again. "How dare you show your face here," she snapped her head up to meet his manic expression, her red eyes blazing with fury, "How dare you come back here to mock me!"

Alucard's smile only widened, his long canines revealed above his lower lip. Some unknown emotion flashed through his eyes as he calmly replied, "I had hoped that 53 years had changed you. Good to see that you're still doing well."

"You bastard," Seras spat, her hands flexing into fists at her side, "why have you come back?"

He shrugged carelessly, as if this was an everyday occurrence. "I had thought perhaps you would have welcomed my return, Seras." 

She scoffed and folded her arms across her chest in an attempt to keep from beating whatever was left of his unlife out of him. "Welcomed you?! I've wanted nothing more than to see you burn in hell for over 50 years! I hate you and you expect me to welcome you?"

He shook his head. "You don't hate me, Seras. Hearts don't change so easily."

She grabbed the collar of his red duster violently, quite a feat considering their height differences and brought his face inches from her own. "They do when you leave them broken for half of a century, Alucard," she hissed vehemently. She pushed him away, letting go of his coat and looking away so that he wouldn't see the depth of pain in her eyes. "Leave. Let me forget you and live my life again."

She felt the cloth of his gloves against her chin as he tilted her head up to meet his unwavering gaze. She turned her face away, not allowing him the reassurance of contact with her, but still held his eyes with her own from the side. There was some emotion in those red orbs that she didn't remember from her youth as his expression grew somber. "I don't want to leave and I refuse to allow my own progeny to tell me what to do," he grinned slyly as if considering his next words carefully, "and what makes you think that you have to live for eternity alone?"

Seras pushed him away viciously, trying to force away all the emotions that his words awoke in her, the hope that was seeding her mind. She was no longer the weak kitten he had sired and wouldn't forgive him because of his unreliable rhetoric. "Then why did you leave me in the first place? Was it something I did? Was I too weak an apprentice for you to be around anymore? Or," she grinned maliciously, knowing that her next words would be the final blow, "was it your hurt pride because your master refused to join you in the unlife?"

She didn't even have time to gloat before she was roughly slammed against the far wall, her head hitting the cold stones with an unappreciated amount of force. Cool stone bit into her back as fingers gripped her neck like a vice, chocking unneeded air from her lungs. Stars faded from her view as her master's face came back into sharp focus only inches from her own. Seras had never seen so many emotions on her master's usually stoic features. An anger deeper than any she had ever known flashed through his blood-red eyes as he whispered threateningly, "You dare to speak to your master in such a manner? You've grown stupid over the years."

Had she been 50 years younger, she would have shied away from his piercing gaze. Had she been a sane person, she probably wouldn't have dared push his patience so far. However, she was neither young nor sane and simply glared at him from under her strawberry-blonde hair. "You may have sired me," she smirked, "but you no longer control me as you once did. I was forced to drink of human blood of my own will long ago. I have truly become the demon you wished me to be and you no longer control me!"

His grin returned, though his voice remained dangerously somber. "Beautiful," he growled, his face inching closer to her own, his warm breath on her lips, "you are everything I could have ever hoped. Look at you, all hell-sent and spit-fire. Worse than the Paliden, you've become. What happened to the Seras Victoria I knew?"

"She died a long time ago," Seras whispered, turning her face away from his. A single tear traced her pale cheek, eventually falling into the abyss of the long-forgotten cell and onto the floor. She had tried to be strong and not show any emotion, yet here she was bowing to his will as always. It angered her and saddened her at the same time to know that he still held her heart as he always had. 

"You don't look dead to me," he murmured, his voice softer than before, "so to speak." She could almost feel his smile and wanted to wipe that ever-present smug look off his face for good.

"No thanks to you," she growled, her anger returned in full force. Her voice grew with every word as her bitterness towards him resurfaced. "You left me to die, Alucard! And for that I will never forgive you!"

She was slammed against the wall again, this time with less force than before. "I left you to live, Seras!" Alucard growled. He backed away, allowing her to slide back down to the wall for a moment, holding her numb neck in annoyance, "And look at what you've become, a true nosferatu. This is the path you chose, Seras, the of a No Life King. Or Queen, if you so choose."

She didn't miss the hidden meaning laced under his words. Glaring pointedly, she lifted her head proudly in defiance. "You presume quite a lot, Master." She said the last word mockingly, reveling in the fact that she was no longer bound to such trite designations. 

"You're still bound to me," he told her grinning, "until you drink the blood of your Master, I will always know you. That is how I called you here through my will."

"What do you want with me then?" she whispered fiercely, not breaking eye contact the entire time. He only smiled down at her wickedly, making her glad for the first time that she couldn't read his thoughts.

"That," he said slowly, as if speaking to a child, "is something I believe I will keep to myself for now." 

She wanted to scream at him in frustration. "Damn it, Alucard! Don't play your games with me!"

"Who's playing?" he asked, staring at her manically. Suddenly, he seemed a little more somber as his grin wavered a little. "Where are you staying?" he asked, looking upward as if he could see through the stone ceiling and out into the world above.

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously, not sure what he was implying, but knowing that it probably would only lead to more irritation.

"Where do you stay during the day?" he restated to question more urgently, "the sun is almost up."

"What does that matter?" Seras pointed out, still glaring at him angerly, "can't you just stay here for the day? It's dark down here."

He grinned again. "You truly are heartless, leaving you master in the dungeon where he was imprisoned for so long?"

She was speechless for a moment before regaining her composure and retaliating. "I'm not heartless," she stated, shrugging to imply that it didn't matter her where he stayed, "but I'm certainly not obliged to harbor you from the sun nor your fears." 

"Seras, I gave you life over 50 years ago," he said solemnly, "the least you could do is shelter me for one day."

Seras wanted desperately to reject him, to leave him in the cold confines of Hellsing and forget that he ever came back into her life. She wanted to run as hard and as fast as she could until she could escape those intense red eyes that seemed to strip away all the barriers that she had built around herself over the years. In only a few hours, he had reduced her to nothing more than the scared, lost girl whom he had given second life to and she hated him for it.

She sighed as her heart finally won out over her mind. As much as she wanted to hate him and as many times as she told herself that she did, she couldn't push him away as easily as he did her. "One day," she murmured as he smiled in triumph.

*****

Seras almost wanted to smile as she mused over what a sight they must have made to the drunks and the prostitutes who were stumbling through the morning hours as they marched towards her apartment. She in her black ensemble, glaring out at the world through her thick dark glasses and him dressed in his usual blood red attire, towering over her and grinning as though he was in on some cosmic joke lost on everyone else. Not much had changed in fifty years. 

"Police Girl. . ." She sighed. Not much at all. "Where is it that you live?"

"I have a name!" she snapped. "I'd think that you would have the decency to address me by it by now!" He watched her out of the corner of his eye, amusement written across his sharp features. 

"Fine," he repeated his question to appease her, "Seras, where is it that you stay?" 

She was surprised that he had actually listened to her, but didn't allow any emotion to cross her stoic features. "I live in an apartment not too far from here."

He sighed. "Things have changed since I last wandered the world unbound."

Seras scoffed at his audacity. "Would you rather that I find a nice old mansion for you? Or perhaps you would like to spend another night locked in the cells of Hellsing, oh great one? Either way, I don't mind escorting you back." She gritted her teeth to avoid any more sarcasm to betray her, but her triad had already earned her a glare from her master. "An apartment is less suspicious than anything else," she offered as an explanation, "My neighbors believe that I work a night job for a security firm, so they don't notice my lack of day activity."

"I see," he said nonchalantly, "and you sleep in a coffin, I suppose?"

She shrugged. "It's convenient."

"And how is that you keep that hidden from others?" he asked, still staring straight ahead down the nearly deserted sidewalk. 

"I don't. There's no need to hide things that no one else sees." She watched him out of the corner of her eye, noting his graceful steps and manic gleam that she remembered from so long ago.

"You don't have anyone at all?" he asked casually. She wasn't sure what he was implying, but she could detect the hint of skepticism lingering in his voice. 

"I have myself," Seras answered curtly. She was relieved to see her building to her right a little farther down the block. Pulling her keys out of the pocket of her coat, she flipped to the key that unlocked the front door, as it was locked by the manager after ten for safety. "We're here," she murmured as the door clicked open. 

They stepped into a dimly lit hallway that led directly to a flight of stairs to the right side and rows of doors to the left. The apartment complex was not high-class, but it was livable, with freshly painted toffee colored walls and wearing brown carpet. The dissipating smells of meals eaten earlier in the evening and human stink wafted through the air. The soft sounds of people in their bed reached the elder nosferatu's sensitive ears as his kit led him to the right up the stairs. Their footsteps were muffled by thick carpet as they trudged upward.

As they neared the second flight, there was a faint creak from a door to the right as it swung open so slightly that one could have mistaken it for an accident had they not heard the heavy breathing of someone behind it. Alucard watched with amusement as Seras glared at a set of red eyes staring out at her from the door.

"Oh, Seras," said a male FREAK as her stepped out into the flickering light, realizing that his jest was over. He had rust colored hair that stuck out in odd angles all about his sharp, animalistic features. Bright green eyes, unusual for a vampire, shone with mischief, first taking in the lovely female vampire before him then the stranger at her back. "I'm disappointed," he grinned and leaned against the door frame, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

Seras's already frayed nerves began to whine at her from pressure. She gritted her teeth in order to keep from punching the man right in the mouth. This FREAK vampire had fancied her since she moved into the complex and went to great lengths to pester her and bother her for favors of sorts. She had all but thrown him out into the midday sun to keep him away from her. She figured he was some sort of masochist and now he had decided to pick at her on a night that she very much just wanted to go to her room and go to sleep.

"Sod off, Bradley. First of all," she answered through clenched teeth, "who I fuck is none of your concern, but if it was him, then I would probably throw myself into the sun." Both men winced at her harsh words. 

"Well then," the FREAK Bradley smirked, taking a step closer to Seras who snarled ferally in return, "that means that we could just. . ."

"Don't make me break your arm again," she warned, grasping the aforementioned limb and twisting it until it cracked with pressure. He winced and stepped back, his hands held up in a gesture of surrender. "And remember," she told him, almost as an afterthought, "you don't see me, you don't hear me, you. . ."

"Know nothing of you," Bradley chanted with her and sighed, "I know, Seras."

Seras smiled grimly. "Good," she said and continued up the stairs towards her apartment, listening for the familiar click of Bradley's door after a brief, yet annoying, conflict with him. 

"Friend of yours?" Alucard asked teasingly, taking the whole of the events in and contemplating what he had seen between Seras and the FREAK vampire. She had obviously grown quick short-tempered in her years. 'Or perhaps that had always been there,' he mused, 'and I just never taken the time to notice.' His question earned him a glare in his direction. 

"He wishes," Seras murmured weakly, running out of witty retorts and angry words.

"I'm quite sure that he wishes you were more than friends," he replied. 

"In his dreams," she answered, sliding her key into the lock and turning. The faint click of the bolt could be heard as he nodded towards her.

"Seras," Alucard said amused, smiling down at her, "vampires don't dream."

Her only response was a subtle glare as she opened her apartment door and stepped into the familiar interior. She could hear Alucard moving n behind her as she flipped on the lights. 

As light flooded the room, Alucard's eyes feel upon Seras' modest surroundings. The walls were painted a soft tope color that was muted by the dim lights and heavy black curtains over the windows to presumably keep out the light of the sun. She had a single couch, well worn and beat up, pushed against the far wall of the living room covered in blankets and pillows. Directly in front of that was a coffee table littered with books and magazines from different times from the last half-century. Pushed against the wall across from the couch and table was a small color TV on a sturdy wooden stand with a few movies and DVD's scattered around it. Overall the whole living room was a farrago of seemingly random furniture and color schemes. 

As Seras led him down a small hallway towards the back of the apartment, he noted a small kitchen off the right, open to both the dining and living rooms, giving the flat a more spacious look. There were a few closed doors to the left that he assumed led to extra bedrooms used for storage. She opened the last of these doors on the right and rushed into the waiting darkness of what he presumed was where she slept. Though he wasn't sure if she would like his being in her private sanctuary of sorts, he doubted that she would make too big a fuss if she had allowed him to follow her thus far. 

Alucard blinked as he entered what was obviously her bedroom. A large black coffin made of what appeared to be stained rosewood rested in the far corner, the lid closed to reveal a simple silver cross set in the obelisk-like surface. Across from the coffin was a large bookshelf overflowing with battered copies of all genres of material. Next to the bed was a large desk with files of papers meticulously piled and organized on it, including a few sketchpads and chew-on pencils and pens.

The thing that struck him the most surprising about the room was that, unlike the barren walls of the rest of the house, these were covered in both canvas paintings and ink sketches directly on the plaster surfacing. Screaming faces and monsters of blood and paint cried out at him from their two-dimensional prisons. The paintings were all dark and jagged, as if the artist had painted in a wild frenzy with bold strokes and nails, their medium of blood, tooth, and paint. 

"Did you paint these, Seras?" Alucard asked curiously as she opened the closet door next to the bookshelf. Inside, he could see her clothing, most dark colors, meticulously arranged, a habit from years of military training. He grinned as he caught a glimpse of a familiar anti-FREAK cannon pressed into a corner of the closet behind everything else.

"Yes, I did," she answered his question as she stretched to reach for a blanket and pillow on the top shelf of the closet.

"I see you've found your demons, then," he observed, taking a closer look at a particularly large canvas near him. Dark colors and what appeared to be blood crossed white feathers and twisted human limbs. "An angel?"

Seras walked back towards him, the sleeping gear bundled in her arms carefully. She looked up at the painting as if seeing it for the first time and examining it for any flaws, her expression impassive. "I can't manifest my demons physically like you, but I can see them in my heart. Waiting for something and screaming for release."

"You know," he told her, almost relieved to be telling her of the ways of the lamia, like he was supposed to, "each vampire's demons will manifest themselves differently, according to that creature's basic nature. Their soul, if you will." Seras met his gaze and he glanced down at her for a response. Her eyes seemed hard and distant, so different from the meek, unsure girl he had known from so many years before. 

"I'm not an angel, Alucard, " she told him coldly as she lifted the bedding up in a gesture for him to open his arms. He accepted the blankets and pillow as she dumped them into his waiting arms and said, "These are for you."

"Where will I be sleeping, then?" he asked, doubting very much that she would allow him to share her coffin, though the thought itself was a tempting one. 

"You can sleep in the sun for all I care," she answered nonchalantly, "but if you must, you can use my couch." He grinned at her response, part of him secretly glad that she hadn't lost her fire in a such a short amount of time. 

He nodded and turned back toward the front of the apartment, presumably headed out to the couch for a day's rest. She watched him retreat, her eyes weary and her mind heavy with unbidden thoughts that snuck into her conscious as his form disappeared into the shadows of the hallway. Sighing, she slipped her boots off and opened her coffin lid, not even bothering to change her clothes before she lay down for another day. "What have I gotten myself into?"

*****

Reviewer Responses: 

Emmo (my muse for happy/ fluffy fics) hands out cookies to all the reviewers.

Ashley: Here are the responses! I don't know how often I'll be able to do them because there are A LOT of reviews and they take a while to do, but here you go! IMPORTANT! Know this, I don't care if you flame me, just remember, I flame back! ^_~

Fanfiction . Net: 

Max: There's plenty of bad fanfiction out there, so I don't think you'll be out of the job any time soon, though I'm really glad that you like mine! ^_^ I wish that it was manga based, because that would mean that I owned the manga! Actually, I bought the first volume just today, so maybe there will be some influences sooner or later. 

Libby: I'm really glad that you understood the whole change in Seras' character. You'd be surprised at how many people don't understand it at first! 

Chris37: Wow, I didn't even notice the likeness to Alucard calling Integral "my master" but I'm sure you'll notice that Seras also calls Alucard "Master" a lot, though in a less creepy voice. 

DeCobray: Aw, thank you! Also, thanks for pointing out that's it's not really a pentagram on his glove. I was watching Hellsing with my friend who has never seen it before yesterday and he made a comment about it being a pentagram too, but I enlightened him. ^_^

bride_of_lister: I always feel weird asking for reviews, but it obviously worked this time. LOL. I'm glad you were waiting patiently and I hope it was worth the wait!

Byakko: Actually, I never thought of the idea that the manor might be torn down, but I suppose an explanation for that might be that it's a historical building and such. Yeah, that's it. Yes, I did allow the time span to not only develop the characters in a sense, but to alienate them in a way. Also, it makes that I don't have to deal with a depressed Seras wallowing over I/A. ^_^ Oh how I miss Walter though!

Pyros-maniak: Megatokyo by any chance?

Lillian Dashwook: I'm trying to make this a more involved Seras/Alucard fic, rather than most I've seen that just sends them right into OOC land and lemons. LOL, though I can't claim that Seras will be in character quite yet, so who am I to talk? 

Naxu: I had a lot of fun with your review. First, I just stared at the screen and then, I laughed for a while. First of all, Seras is my favorite also. "It's like she fused with Anne Rice and became all shitty and gothic," was one of my personal favorite lines. It's not like I ever wrote, "Then Seras put on her black lipstick, pulled out her book of depressing suicide poems, and proclaimed her hated for the world!" Gah, get over it. I think after fifty years of being alone, abandoned by the one person you thought you cared about and could depend on, you might be a bit different. Also, if you actually sat down to watch the anime, you might notice that yes, Seras DOES begin to change as the anime goes on. God forbid characters actually DEVELOP. Read the manga and you'll see that the change is even more dramatic. Also, yes Stoker rules, but how relevant is a Stoker/Rice comparison in a review? *rolls eyes again and again and again*

Navi-Zero: Lain! I want those teddy-bear pj's of hers! ^_^

alaska_ice: that was the coolest review ever. Thank you. 

Hmmm......: I really couldn't say how long her slum of sorts will last, but not too long, or where would this fic go?

AdultFanfiction . Net:

Sphira: I was so shocked that no one had written a single A/S fic on aff . net that it was only more insentive to do so. ^_^

Gutie: here's some more, in which after this, I will indeed write. . . more. . .Lol.

Boobookittiefujimi: cliffies are kind of my thing, though this chapter doesn't have one. ^_^ I'm evil like that.

Sylver Minamoto: It will get happier, I promise! In fact, it will get so happy that everyone will wonder how it was ever so sad! You should go see the series, it's super keen!

Also, cookies and thanks to: Fluffy's luva, sinfull, Tori (fanfic fan), Larlseo, CuRsEd, h4x, ladytigera21, Saberpilot, Rachel K, drow goddess, Rain, bluebomber, tsukino mesume, Extrenm54, and Frek because your support makes me SO SO SO happy. ^_________^

Also, as always, thanks to Luke, who without your support, constant reading of every little sentence I write, and encouragement to write at all, this fic wouldn't be possible. 


	3. Oblivion

A/N: HA! And you thought I was dead! Actually, I'm really sorry about the horrendously long wait, but hopefully it will be worth it. Between visiting my family, semester finals, work, three-hour band practices every night, and state debate, I don't really know when I fit this in. Also, this would have been out LAST week, but I managed to get myself grounded off the computer. . . so, please forgive me for my absence! Also, rest assured that chapter four is well on it's way and *should* be done soon. Ja ne!

  


Ashley: *looks to muses bound and gagged in the corner* Oh yeah and those two weren't much help either.

Mel and Emmo: Mmmpff!!!

  


Standard Disclaimer: If I owned Hellsing, then bad things would happen. The end.

  


*****

No Life Waltz: Session 3_

  


Seras floated in a sea of nothing, an expanse of non-existence that seemed to stretch on forever as far as she could see. There was no light at all, but her surroundings were not dark either. There were no physical distinctions or rifts in the endlessness itself. Part of her knew that she lay more in a feeling than a place as she relaxed among the planes of oblivion.

She couldn't feel her body, but for some reason, her stat of non-being failed to bother her at all. For the first time in over half of a century, she felt at peace. Seras recognized the plane of nothing as that where she spent her final moments as a human when she was dead. These were the degrees of her own soul that she resided in before Alucard gave her second life as her blood seeped from her all-too-willing body.

"So, this is what death is like?" she thought, as she lacked the ability to speak, having no physical form, "Does that mean that I'm really dead, free from the unlife?"

She doubted that this was the case, as she didn't feel technically dead, per say, and there was nothing that she knew of the could have gotten past Alucard and managed to kill her in her sleep. She mentally sighed, not wanting to mull over the possibility of her final death and her sudden appearance in the limbo of her mind. Instead, she simply extended her consciousness, letting it flow, like water, out into the void around her, trying to get a feel for the world she now inhabited. 

There was nothing as far as she could sense in all directions. It was nearly unnerving to be in a place where nothing existed.

Suddenly, it was as if she was reliving her first moments in the unlife. She could feel her master's presence beside her, as her memories washed over her mind. His deep voice had cajoled her out of her slumber, pulling her back into the world of the living as a monster. "Come back," his whisper echoed around her, filling the nothing with its empty promises, "you're mine now. Come back." Seras wasn't sure where present and past met as she began to slip away from the calm of oblivion and back into the harshness of the world. 

Seras opened her eyes to find herself staring at the dark ebony wood of her coffin's lid. As real as her dream had been, she had expected to be looking into the laughing eyes of her master. "Vampires don't dream," she reminded herself, trying to regain her bearings after such an odd experience. "Then, just what the hell was that?"

She lay still a few moments before resigning herself to get out of bed, so to speak. With an exaggerated sigh, she pushed the lid open and starred up at the plain white of her ceiling before sitting up. The whole world seemed to spin around her before finally finding its axis again and settling down into the familiar setting of her tidy room.

Climbing out of her coffin with a practiced ease, she leaned heavily again the wall, trying to wake her numb senses. The rough carpet itched at her feet and her hair tickled against her pale cheek, reminding her that she was indeed alive and that she had another night to go through. Dragging her body to her closet like a small child not wanting to go to school, she flung the doors open and flipped the light on. Squinting into the small cubby, she grabbed her favorite black jeans with silver clasps running up the right leg and a dark red T-shirt the color of blood. Pulling her undergarments from her dresser, she trudged tiredly towards the bathroom for a shower. 

As Seras stepped into the bath, she let the warm water was over her, soothing her frayed nerves in an expert fashion. Nothing went farther to both calming her and waking her up than a warm shower on a dreary night like this night. 'Last night,' she thought to herself, 'everything was normal and I was perfectly content.'

'But were you really?' a darker part of her whispered, betrayed her own doubts in herself. She thought back to every night alone as she cried herself to sleep. 'Is that what it means to be content.'

"At least then I didn't have anyone else to worry about," she mused aloud, rinsing her conditioner from her hair slowly, enjoying the feeling of her fingers working through her hair. "It was me alone, and that's all that I needed. Now he shows up to bugger things up all over again!"

Suddenly, there was a harsh rapping from the other side of the door. "What?!" she yelled, partly in order to be heard over the running water and partly out of irritation. She heard the door open and cold air rushed in to meet her sensitive skin, sending goose bumps down her exposed flesh. "Close the door!" she ordered, her voice holding a barely controlled anger.

Alucard quickly shut the door as he stepped into the steamy room She glared at his presence through the shower curtain, hoping that his vampiric powers didn't give him x-ray vision or some other oddity that she had yet to discover. Grasping the edge of the curtain, she ripped it open and stuck her head out to chastize him for daring to disturb her sanctuary of sorts. "What the hell do you think you're doing in here?!" she practically shouted, "can't you see that I'm showing?!"

She should have expected the grin, but that didn't stop her from wanting to kill him for it. She scowled at him as he sat down on the closed toilet seat lid and smiled as if this was the most amusing situation that he had ever been in. "I was hoping to use the shower when you were done," he replied evenly as he glanced over the contents around her sink. "I think I need to but a new toothbrush soon," he added offhandedly, his eyes resting upon the aforementioned item.

Seras gritted her teeth in a vain attempt to control her anger. Any sane person could clearly see that she was absolutely seething with rage and probably would have run from the room screaming had they been there. However, Alucard just continued looking around in a disinterested sort of fashion, his hands clasped over his crossed legs in an attempt to keep his lank form in check in the small area. 'Remember, Seras,' she thought to herself, trying to keep from jumping out of the bath and killing him then and there, 'you can't kill your master because then you won't be able to become a true midian.'

"I said that you could spend the day," she growled, throwing the curtain closed again and fiercely turning the water off, almost ripping the faucets from the wall in her rage, "not take over my house!"

She sighed stuck her hand out of the curtain, the cool air tingling her damp skin. She made an impatient grasping motion. "Hand me my towel." Seras waited for the familiar rough cotton to meet her hand before jerking it into the shower as if she had been burned.

Drying herself off as quickly as possible, not wanting to be in the same room as the elder vampire longer than she had to be. As she wrapped the towel around her lithe form, she noted that the small piece of cloth seemed shorter than she remembered it being. She flung the curtain back to reveal a very amused looking Alucard now sitting stock still and smiling like the cat that got the canary. "S'all yours," she muttered darkly as she reached past him to gather her pile of clothes from the sink, which proved to be rather difficult with one hand grasping to towel desperately in order to keep it from slipping off. 

With her clothing finally in her free arm, she stormed out of the bathroom as quickly as she could. She could hear his deep chuckle then the sound of running water. "And don't use my loofah!" she yelled through the closed door as an afterthought, knowing full well that he could hear her. "Ungrateful bastard," she murmured, not caring if he caught her comment. Sighing, Seras made her way, dripping, back to her room where she might find something that resembled privacy.

  


*****

  


Heavy shadows streaked across the bustling sidewalks and laced through the night air and busy streets like a living thing. The darkness proved a stark contrast to the bright neon bar lights and lamps, mirroring the two worlds that collided in the heavy night air, unbeknownst to most of its unwilling occupants. The shadows played the perfect mate to Seras's current somber mood, onset by her master's earlier antics. 

A cacophony of noise that hummed with human activity and ado, reaching her sensitive ears from her vantage high above it all. The sounds of people making their was through the crowded streets was almost unbearable as a steady buzz of life that played to the night's chorus. Walking, pushing, scraping, laughing, talking, eating, flirting, fucking, dancing, all combined and swelled in volume into a crescendo of sound that smothered her delicate senses like a wave crashing upon the shore. 

Seras looked down on it all, the mass of human suffrage at her feet. They looked like insects, each clamoring and pushing, tearing and clawing to escape above the others of their throng. All in blissful unawareness of the FREAKS and demons that walked among them the collective, cleverly disguised as one of them. These creatures went unnoticed through them, stalking ans swaying through the heard, like a wolf in sheep's clothing.

She shook her head at the thought, reminding herself that she was once just as human as the barflies and club-goers that she now viewed as prospective meals."Do you ever wonder," she began, seemingly speaking to thin air, "what all of them are thinking? What have they experienced in their lives so far that makes each of them the person they are and brought them to this particular point in existence?"

At first, she didn't expect him to answer, so she was mildly surprised when Alucard appeared out of the cool night air. He mimicked her with his legs crossed up to his chest and his arms and chin resting on his bent knees. "Couldn't the same questions apply to any creature, human or otherwise?"

She sighed, realizing that she had been speaking as if the questions only applied to human experience. "Of course they do. All things are effected by cognition. The longer you live, the more you experience. I suppose that's why, after a while, it becomes so easy for an immortal to see themself as a being completely different from the human they once were."

"Do you still see yourself as human, Seras?" Alucard seemed generally interested. "I mean, you've obviously had to overcome your feeding-from-humans complex."

Seras glared at him. "Obviously," she replied sarcastically, as angry edge to the word. She turned her attention back to the bust streets bellow, the lights reflecting off the lenses of her glasses. "However, sometimes," she sighed and buried her chin into the crook of her crossed arms, "sometimes I still feel human. . .or at least wish I was."

"Why?" he asked. She was surprised that his voice held no hint of malice or sarcasm, just complete sincerity. "Why would you want to go back to being a weak creature?"

She looked at him for the first time with a sense of familiarity, not glaring at him, but rather with a sense of wonderment and disbelief. "Have you really been immortal so long as to have to ask? Why would I want a normal life? Why would I want to ability to grow old and live again? Why would I want a family, someone who loves me and children who need me? Yeah, why would I want those things in exchange for the curse of immortality?" She sighed and tilted her head so that she could look at him. "Don't you ever want your human life back?"

His face became impassive and stoic, one of his many traits that annoyed her to no end. "You know nothing of my former life," he muttered darkly, casting his gaze down to the humans on the street bellow, "and whether I want that life back of not is no longer an option. The sooner you learn that, the easier it will be for you, Seras. Human life is nothing but a lost dream for us, so why can't you let it go?" His voice sounded bitter, as if he was reprimanding her for something she didn't understand.

Seras felt anger building inside of her again, something that only Alucard could achieve in such a short amount of time. "Of course I know nothing of your past life! You never tell me anything! You never tell anyone anything! You block everyone out and push them away! So, excuse me if I don't sympathize with you, oh master! If anything, it only makes me despise you more!" She looked away angerly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to weaken her resolve. "As for my humanity, who I am is not changed by what I am."

"You could have fooled me," Alucard growled, turning towards her and meeting her angry glare, rage boiling under his poor attempts at remaining calm. "Because the girl known as Seras Victoria is nothing like the vampire! Did you enjoy drinking that filthy lawyers blood, Seras?" he leaned towards her, his red eyes boring into her, "Did you savor his life as it filled you? And what of your first kill, Seras? Did your senses sing with the blood of some innocent human? Did you feel any regret or remorse for what you've become THEN?!" A look of satisfaction crossed his features as he sat back and awaited her inevitable explosion. 

However, she didn't explode. Seras felt nothing as she stared at him emotionlessly, her expression completely void of any sign of anger. She looked down, her bangs shielding her crimson eyes from his scrutinizing gaze. "The only thing that I regret," she replied evenly, her voice so quite that he could barley hear her over the murmur of the city, "is selfishly choosing to live instead of accepting my death in that little church in Cheddar so long ago."

Alucard grinned. "If that is truly the way you feel," there was a click and Seras found herself staring down the gleaming barrel of the Jackal, "then I can end it all for you now. Take away the very gift that I bestowed upon your retched life."

Seras' expression didn't falter as she met his manic grin from the end of the black gun. "I didn't feel any remorse when I drank that vile man's blood for the first time." Her voice was stoic as his smile widened. "My veins sang with his blood, tainted as it was. As he screamed for life, I only laughed at his death and I reveled in my power." She reached up and slowly pushed the gun down, leaning forward towards her master, her voice barely above a whisper, "And do you know who my first kill was? Do you have any idea who's blood satiated my hunger for the first time?" She was so close, she could feel what minimal heat the his body radiated, causing her to shiver involuntarily. "Judas himself provided my first meal. He put up quite a struggle, though, the Paliden, Alexander Anderson."

She could see her master's eyes widen in surprise out of her side glance as she leaned back onto her heels, smirking. "It's almost a shame," Alucard's grin returned, "that you got to kill the man that I wanted so badly to fill with silver."

She nodded as if sympathizing with him as she lay back onto the cool gravel of the rooftop, staring up into the endless expanse of the night sky. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," she replied nonchalantly, acting as though she had such intense, and rather bipolar, conversations every night.

"I would assume so," he agreed, "I wish I could have been there to see you destroy him, though I would expect any less from my kin."

"You should have been there!" she said indignantly, like a child throwing a tantrum. "I was sitting there in the church, hoping that perhaps God might listen to the prayers of a lost midian. It was late and dark, candles from the mass still flickering with a somber light. Part of me knew it was wrong to be there, but I had no where else. . ." she sighed, her memories rushing back from the depths in which she had buried them so long ago. "And then, he was there. . ."

*****

  


Emmo (who has escaped from his bonds): *in a hypnotic voice* You will review. . .You will review. . .


	4. Beserker

A/N: Okay, so this chapter was slightly delayed thanks too. . .laziness! That's right kids, there is no plausible reason for your breathless anticipation other than my own lack of motivation. ^_^ At any rate, here's yet another chapter. As always, thank you everyone who reviewed and even those who didn't. I like you guys anyway. 

Also, next to writing and drawing(I have some fanart for this fic I've been meaning to get up. . .) I love music. For a little extra something, the "fight scene" should be read while listening to "Heaven Can't Help the Teenage Witch" by The Eels. It makes it all that much better, assuming that it's good in the first place. ^_^;; 

  


Warning to the Readers: Fight scenes aren't really my forte, so I hope this doesn't disappoint. 

  


Disclaimer: If Hellsing was mine, then Seras wouldn't be forced to wear a skirt for combat. Honestly, how effective is a mini-skirt while fighting the undead?

  


*****

  


Session 4_Beserker 

  


Seras sat in the very first pew, as close to the alter as she dared to get for fear of holy retribution or some other punishment for daring to set foot in a church. She felt dirty, being the manner of creature that she was in the house of God, but she had run out of ideas and had no where else to turn now that she had lost it all. She thought that perhaps the angels might take pity on her for what she had become in her lust for life and the hunger that was growing because of it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to find the right words for the miracle that she had no right to ask for. 

"God, I haven't done this is forever," she murmured, "OH! I didn't mean to say that, what I meant was. . ." she took another deep breath and let it out, trying to clear her ming. "God, I don't know where else to go. I'm alone and afraid and. . .not human. I have nothing left and I thought, I though maybe I could. . ." she trailed off and gazed up through her messy bangs to the crucifix hanging precariously above the alter, shadows flickering across the sharp relief. The heavy smell of incense made her senses swim as she laced her fingers together in an attitude of prayer, her head bowed solemnly. 

"Please help me. . ." she felt the first tears begin to fall, sliding across her pale skin and disappearing into the folds of her skirt where they created dark patterns and circles. 

"I will help you to end your pain for all eternity," the deep rumble of a male's voice laced with a heavy Scottish accent stole into her sanctuary unannounced. Fear like she had never known washed through her entire being as her eyes shot open. Slowly, she turned her head to meet the same aqua eyes laced with madness that had haunted her unlife since the beginning. He towered over her, standing at his full height beside her frail seated form, still clutched in prayer, frozen by fear.

As her mind raced, she found her voice. "Regenerator," she breathed, the word sounding almost accusing as her mind screamed at her to move, to do something to get away from the vile creature before her. She regretted not having any weapons on her, a lesson that she should have learned from Hellsing, but she hadn't expected to run into any trouble during her solitude, let alone the abomination, Alexander Anderson. 

"Here I am about to say my evening prayers before a glorious night of hunting you vile midians and I find one little lamb already brought to the alter." He grinned manically, light reflecting off his round lenses and making him look more menacing in the dim light that played about his towering form. "I knew that the superstition that your kind could enter a church were false assumptions, but I've never known a lamia bold enough to do so.

Seras found that her mouth often acted upon it's own will without first consulting her brain, though she had hoped this not to be one of those times. "What are you doing in a church if it's not Catholic?" she stammered, her eyes wide with fear. Her hand automatically flew to her throat, covering the scar that ran vertically down her neck, its partner along her spine, caused by the blessed blades of the monster before her. Every time she had met the priest, he had tried to kill her and, on more than one occasion, almost succeeded. However, this time there was no Alucard to save her from Iscariot's angel of destruction, she was completely alone.

He smiled, which only made him look even more gruesome a sight, "What are you doing in a church at all? Did you really hope for salvation, vile creature of hell?" He reached into his long grey trench, the faint rustle of fabric becoming a background disturbance when the familiar clink of metal met her sensitive ears. The whole world stopped its eternal rotation for a moment as his grin widened. His heartbeat seemed sluggish as the muscles in his arms tensed in slow motion, like a viper ready to strike. "Dust to dust," he growled, his whole form coiling for the attack, "Amen."

In a flurry of motion and instinct, Seras' body finally responded to her internal battle to send it into motion, to escape the man before her. Her legs pushed off the floor as she jumped backwards in a single fluid movement, the wood around her exploding with the force of the impact. Long bayonets stuck in the pew where she had been sitting only seconds before, their blades buried deep into the splintered wood. Seras found herself perched precariously on the back of the pew about fifteen feet from where she had started, her supernatural balance allowing her to sit crouched on the balls of her feet.

Part of her could still register the screams of the few parishioners who had been lost in prayer and the scared shouts of the priests trying to stop whatever fight was disrupting their holy grounds. As fear and instincts washed over her, though, she paid no heed to the bystanders and innocents around her; the only thing she could see was the grinning madman before her. 

Anderson let out an angry growl as he pulled his huge knives from the broken church bench, his face contorted into an ugly sneer. "Quicker than I thought," he smiled and crossed his knives in front of his body, "No matter, however, I'll just have a wee bit of fun before sending you to perdition." 

Seras' breath came in short pants as she fought the dark desires and wild emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. Though fear still flowed through her veins like fire, part of her laughed in wild ecstacy. She almost hear her vampiric instincts called for his blood to be spilled. Though she had seen the emotion she was experiencing on her master's face many times, she had never thought to experience it herself. It was barbaric and insane, an uncontrollable madness coursing through her; it was bloodlust. 

She vaguely remembered Alucard once telling her that all creature's first instinct was that of survival, all else came second to that, and vampires were no different. The only diversity between a human's intrinsic need to live and reproduce and a vampire's was the severity of the instinct. Vampires by nature experienced everything so much more vividly and the sense of power that came with immortality was a curse and a blessing when one was cornered with no way out. "When you killed your comrades in the Hellsing house that time," his voice rang purely though her memories, "you were not Seras as you think of yourself. You were a berserker, fueled by fear and the need to survive."

Seras felt a slow grin spreading across her features before she registered that she was quickly losing control of her own mind. Her pupils became small slits lost in a sea of red in her maddening eyes. Her canines slipped over her bottom lip as she flicked her tongue over her mouth. Digging her claws into the brittle wood of the pew, she let the splinters dig into her skin, piercing the tender flesh of her fingertips. When she spoke, the voice she heard was unfamiliar to her own ears and the words were not her own. "Foolish priest, to try and kill a girl in order to find a monster," the creature in her used her voice to mock him, "So, I'll show you what a monster I can really be."

As she became all but an observer in her own mind, she let go of her inhibitions. There was nothing left to lose by dying on his blades, nothing left to gain by fighting her dark instincts. She had died once before and is she did so again, it would be no great loss as her life was barely worth dragging on anyway. With such morbid thoughts cluttering her mind, she tensed herself for the true first, and perhaps last, test of her claim to immortality. 

Without warning, a blessed blade flow towards her, aimed for her heart. Acting out of instinct, she ducked as surged forward towards him at an inhuman speed. She was met with the full force of a very angry paladin trying with all his might to remove her head from her body with a brutal force. He brought two blades down fiercely, forcing her to halt her attack to keep from being beheaded. She was locked in a dangerous test of strength with the priest haven't the obvious advantage, his height giving him leverage. She fought to keep his blades from descending upon the tender flesh of her exposed neck, her arms shaking with effort.

"I'll send you to hell!" Anderson growled as Seras shoved the knives away from her with all of her might. Desperately, she struck out at his exposed side only to be rewarded with the sharp sting of blessed metal tearing through her flesh.

Seras screamed and flung herself away from him to escape his bloodied bayonets. He grinned as she scowled from several yards away, licking the blood from the wound on her arm where the weapon had pierced her. The blood was bitter against her tongue, reminding her of her lack of nourishment. 

"Not as powerful as you though, eh Draculina?" Alexander mocked, positioning his brands in front of his body in case she charged again. "Even your master can't kill me, you insolent whelp. What makes you think you could ever win against the likes of me?"

Seras' anger and irritation towards the Iscariot dog's appearance begin to grow to an all-out rage. "I'm not Alucard," she growled, sliding her right foot behind her left into a better fighting stance, "I am Seras Victoria and, regenerator or not, I will send your bloodied corpse into the deepest pits of hell, Paladin!"

She lunged at him again, this time changing her velocity at the last second to strike at him from the side. She was surprised to feel the cool flow of blood on her fingers before he threw her back again with an inhuman strength. She grinned ferally as she brought her sticky, red stained fingers to her mouth and slowly licked the blood from them, never letting her eyes leave his. He was panting heavily, his face contorted in both pain and anger, glaring at her from across the aisle. She didn't even stop to think about her actions as she let the cool taste of blood quench her uncontrollable thirst. She was as a man dying in the desert might be, with the first touch of the liquid to her lips, she only hungered for more of the rare wine his body provided.

"Vile beast!" Anderson roared, throwing a blade with his might aimed straight for her undead heart. She stepped easily from the knives' path and caught it by the handle. She could feel the blessing etching onto her, causing her hand to feel as if she was holding it over a warm flame. 

Tossing the blade easily into the air, she caught it again, smiling manically as she cast the weapon back at him with as much force as she could put behind it. She was surprised when it met its target, embedded in his shoulder as he clutched at the wound. "Stupid little Vatican toy," she mocked, smearing his left over blood across her face, the distinct iron-smell of blood wafting to her nose, "You neglected one important fact about me." With a burst of speed, she was at his side, her fangs inches from his neck, ready to sample more of the intoxicating liquid he provided. "I'm not my master."

She only grinned as he buried a baronet into her back. It passed through her left shoulder and come out near her neck, easily cutting though her collarbone and muscles in its way. "Alucard gave me life again. He gave me his blood, his powers, and the curse and blessing eternal life." Her blood welled up around the blade and dripped onto the cool marble floor, making faint dripping noises as it fell. "However, unlike him, all that I possess is not hampered by spells and human trickery. I am the vampire that he can't be."

Anderson twisted the blade fiercely. The sickening sound of muscles tearing and bone cracking seemed to echo in the deserted church. "Monster," he snarled, "you may not die by my hands this night or even in this century, but rest assured that hell is where your soul shall rest for eternity."

She grasped his head between her hands, digging her nails into the tender flesh about his battered neck. Blood welled up over her fingers as he hissed in pain, driving the bayonet deeper into her back, her own life-force pooling from the wound to create a macabre lake at her feet. Her fangs easily cut into the veins that ran down his broken throat as she sank them into her prey, bringing fresh blood rushing to meet her hungry mouth. He struggled in her grasp, trying to resist the haze feeding induced upon the human mind, twisting the blade effortlessly in his final attempts to fight back. She pulled away from her meal for a moment, her face covered in blood. "Harder," she commanding wickedly, her voice almost sultry, "the pain is the only reassurance that I'm really alive." She laughed harshly as he tried to push her away, but his attempts became even more useless with every drink she took. 

Plunging her fangs deeper into her grotesque vineyard, she let go of her humanity, letting it flow from her like bad blood. As the Paladin's life force filled her and satiated her hunger, the girl Seras Victoria finally died and the vampire was born. 

  


*****

  


The pungent aroma of car fumes and human stink brought her out of her reverie of dark thoughts She knew that she should have guarded her memories from Alucard as she relived them, but in stead she had projected them into his mind, assaulting him with every sight, smell, sound, feeling, and the bitter taste of that night Part of her wished she hadn't shown him, but another yearned for his approval. She glanced at him out of the corners of her eyes, wondering what he thought of the brutal memories he bore witness to.

He was leaning forward resting his chin on the palm of his hand and his other are wrapped around his knees which were pulled tightly to his chest. A cool breeze mused his black hair and caused him to squint in slight irritation. He looked lost in thought, processing what he had seen and felt from her memories which were now part of his own. 'Even after he betrayed me and left me to die,' Seras mused, 'I can't help but feel something for him. He's a undescribable marvelous and he doesn't even know it.'

"Seen enough?" Seras asked, a bite of sarcasm under the words. It was hard to act civil towards him after reliving the most terrifying moment of her life.

"I would tell you that you did well," he glanced at her from under his long lashes, his crimson eyes softer in her presence, "but I know that's not what you want to hear."

"Damn straight that not what I want to hear!" she snapped, "That should have never happened! Not like that! I-"

"How then should it have happened Seras?" Alucard's voice had a bitter edge to it, frightening her, "How can you be so naive, even after so long? If I had stayed, the medical blood would have only run out twice as fast! You would have had to hunt sooner or later! Did you honestly believe that I could shield you from your nature forever?!"

Seras could feel the tears threatening to break her facade of strength biting at her eyes. She blinked them away rapidly, refusing to show weakness in front of her master. "You were supposed to teach me! You were supposed to make me a great vampire! Instead, you left me to die! And despite that," her voice grew softer as a single tear slid down her pale cheek, her carefully placed barriers beginning to crumble under the torrent of emotions, "despite that, you're still my master, still my sire, and I am still no more than a fledgling in your eyes. I have learned nothing." She buried her face into her hands, trying to hide her pain from his gaze. "Why did you leave me, Master?"

She sobbed silently into her hands, her shoulders heaving with her tears. There was no answer to her question as she sat crying into her arms, knowing that he hadn't changed in such a short time. As always he would leave her with no answer but his silence. She sniffed and looked up at him as he smiled ruefully down at her. "Why did you stay?"

She watched him, wide-eyed, wishing, not for the first time, that she could read his thoughts like he could hers. "I-I don't know," she stammered, as if really considering the question for the first time.

"Don't you?" he murmured, his head tilted and his slitted, as if searching for something in her wide-eyed gaze. "You really have no idea why you wasted all these years here?"

Seras knew in her heart why she had stayed, why she had waited so many years alone and lost. Furthermore, he knew why she had never left, living in an apartment not far from the abandoned Hellsing headquarters, and that was a very dangerous thing. She hid her fear and confusion beneath anger, trying to avoid his penetrating stare. "Don't patronize me, Alucard," she muttered, "I had no where else to go."

He sighed heavily and laid back onto the cool rooftop, his hands folded neatly behind his head and his eyes wandering upwards towards the expanse of starts that littered the dark England sky. "It's so rare to be able to see the stars this time of year," he mused. Alucard was silent for a moment, looking lost in thought. She could feel his gaze on her as he turned his head and grinned. "It's a nice night, right Seras?"

Seras smiled faintly, his words striking a chord in her memory. She sighed and tilted her head back to look at the moon floating lazily through the velvet darkness, the city lights bellow obscuring her view. "Yeah, it is," she replied quietly. For the first time in over fifty years, she didn't feel so alone. 

  
  



End file.
